How to teach your mother tongue to your spouse
The Art of Making Sentences that Are Easy to Understand and Remember
Most of your teaching job will consist in speaking your mother tongue in a correct but simplified way, based on what the student already knows. From there you’ll add new things little by little to make it easy to remember. And as the student moves on, you’ll add more complex things (while still using what s/he already knows as a base) to get closer and closer to the language as it is spoken between native speakers.
Keep It Simple
The first step is to stick to short and simple sentences: no long descriptions, sentences with commas, complicated tenses and the like. A subject, a verb and some extra information (time, place, adjective…): that’s it.
Also, start by talking in present tense and about concrete things: the weather, food, something happening nearby… Avoid abstract topics such as emotions, suppositions and so on. You’ll add them later, along with complex tenses, when your partner is able to follow a basic conversation.
Watch out though; saying things simply can prove very difficult! Take the time to formulate the sentence in your head before pronouncing it aloud and repeating it multiple times. If you say something then change it three times, your spouse won’t remember a thing.
Do note however that using slang isn’t a problem at all; if these expressions and words are used in the everyday life then your spouse must know them! Just make sure you explain in which context they can be used.
Repeat, Repeat, Repeat
Next, speak at normal speed. Your partner must learn the language as it is spoken, not some kind of school version where we clearly pronounce each syllable.
However repeat each sentence a second time, more slowly, to help identify the words. Then repeat again at normal speed. This will help the student to link a sentence with its proper pronunciation while still highlighting the words it’s made of (and which s/he may already know).
Some Novelty, Yes! But Not Too Much…
Finally, the rule of thumb is to never use more than one or two unknown words per sentence. This way you’ll still be able to teach new things but without confusing your spouse in the process, since s/he will understand 80% of what you say and can focus on what’s missing. Beyond this limit, s/he won’t understand you and will give up.
So pronounce the sentence once, stop when you reach the new word, repeat it, translate it, then pronounce the whole sentence again from the start, then continue. Your partner’s brain will then easily match the word with its translation and remember it.
For example: “I am never sick”
Let’s say your partner doesn’t know the word “never” and your common language is French. What you will say will be something like: “I am never, never, jamais, I am never sick.” (pause after each comma)
However, since it can prove difficult to have a conversation while never using sentences with more than two unknown words, think about the following two tips:
4 Comments
Elise
Super article !
Exactement ce que je cherchais.
Mon copain est Japonais, et on communique 100% en japonais. Il a des bases d’anglais (puisqu’il l’a étudié à l’école) mais c’est très limité.
J’aimerais lui apprendre un minimum de français pour qu’il puisse communiquer avec ma famille. En partant de zero, cela semble insurmontable cependant.
Au bout de combien de temps pouviez-vous avoir des conversations simples en français avec votre partenaire ?
Votre article m’a motivé !
David Gay-Perret
Bonjour Élise et merci pour ce commentaire ! (qui était perdu au milieu des 110 spam… T_T Heureusement que, pris d’une inspiration, je suis allé regarder de plus près !)
Honnêtement je ne me souviens plus très bien du moment où on a pu plus ou moins discuter, toutefois je me rappelle avoir débuté en janvier de manière très (trop ?) intensive, et quand mes parents sont venus en juin ma compagne pouvait discuter avec eux. Sur des sujets simples bien sûr, et ma mère a un don pour parler lentement et s’adapter aux étrangers tandis que mon père parle anglais et pouvait donc traduire les mots difficiles. Mais c’était tout de même une belle victoire !
Le plus important est de commencer et de persévérer. Il est très facile de remettre à plus tard ou d’utiliser la langue commune “juste pour cette fois parce que sinon il faut 3 fois plus de temps pour se comprendre”. Mais résultat dans 5 ans rien n’a changé. Autant s’y mettre le plus vite possible et passer le cap galère tôt pour ensuite se faire plaisir (car ce cap ne va certainement pas disparaitre avec le temps !).
Quoi qu’il en soit bon courage et n’hésite pas à revenir faire part de ton expérience si tu appliques les quelques conseils de cet article !
Christine Crews
This was so helpful! I have struggled to teach my husband (Italian) my native language (English) for so long. I’m definitely going to try some of the tips you mentioned! It is also hard for people outside the relationship to understand why it is so hard to teach him.
David Gay-Perret
Thanks Christine for taking the time to leave a comment and glad you found these articles of some use!
Agreed, people outside the relationship and especially people who don’t have the experience of a multicultural, multilingual relationship can have a hard time understanding what it implies.
Good luck in any case! Learning English shouldn’t be so hard if your husband is motivated!