How to teach your mother tongue to your spouse
Method
Memorizing VS Logic
The method I propose is based on repeating and remembering words and sentences rather than logic (grammar, conjugation, spelling rules and so on). In short this is how children learn their mother tongue, which is a different methodology compared with how they learn foreign languages afterwards: courses at school, at work, etc. And if you’re wondering if this works, if I’ve tested it before or why I’d know anything about this, then know that I developed and successfully used that method to teach my mother tongue (French) to my ex-partner (Chinese) over the course of 8 years.
So the first and most important thing to do is to speak your mother tongue to your spouse as often as possible.
Unfortunately the process is much longer and much harder for adults because on top of being slower than children, we also have many automatic, unconscious mechanisms which make learning a language all the more difficult.
If we take the letters of the alphabet for example, you’ll notice that we spontaneously pronounce them as in our mother tongue. That’s where our accent comes from when we speak a foreign language! Or even expressions or sentence structures from our mother tongue that we’ll use, properly translated, in the foreign language whereas native speakers would never say that.
In short your work as the teacher consists in going around those limitations to make it possible to learn. And better say it right from the start; simply talking (like we do with children) won’t cut it! It may even discourage your partner, who won’t understand and learn a thing (the “you don’t teach someone how to swim by throwing them in a swimming pool – they’ll drown” syndrome).
So 50% at least of the total amount of work is yours and this is what we will talk about here mostly. On the other hand the student’s role is mainly about actively listening, asking questions, using what s/he has learned and trying to learn more (reading signposts, adding subtitles to movies, talking with other people…).
A Word of Caution
However do have the discipline to speak your mother tongue whenever possible, without looking for excuses (and without letting your partner find some for him/herself!). And if both of you wish to learn each other’s mother tongue, alternate between a day when you speak yours and a day when s/he speaks his/hers. That way you’ll make sure you don’t mix up everything while still practicing as much as possible.
Moving the process along while retaining a strong connection is perhaps the most challenging aspect and will require some practice.
4 Comments
Elise
Super article !
Exactement ce que je cherchais.
Mon copain est Japonais, et on communique 100% en japonais. Il a des bases d’anglais (puisqu’il l’a étudié à l’école) mais c’est très limité.
J’aimerais lui apprendre un minimum de français pour qu’il puisse communiquer avec ma famille. En partant de zero, cela semble insurmontable cependant.
Au bout de combien de temps pouviez-vous avoir des conversations simples en français avec votre partenaire ?
Votre article m’a motivé !
David Gay-Perret
Bonjour Élise et merci pour ce commentaire ! (qui était perdu au milieu des 110 spam… T_T Heureusement que, pris d’une inspiration, je suis allé regarder de plus près !)
Honnêtement je ne me souviens plus très bien du moment où on a pu plus ou moins discuter, toutefois je me rappelle avoir débuté en janvier de manière très (trop ?) intensive, et quand mes parents sont venus en juin ma compagne pouvait discuter avec eux. Sur des sujets simples bien sûr, et ma mère a un don pour parler lentement et s’adapter aux étrangers tandis que mon père parle anglais et pouvait donc traduire les mots difficiles. Mais c’était tout de même une belle victoire !
Le plus important est de commencer et de persévérer. Il est très facile de remettre à plus tard ou d’utiliser la langue commune “juste pour cette fois parce que sinon il faut 3 fois plus de temps pour se comprendre”. Mais résultat dans 5 ans rien n’a changé. Autant s’y mettre le plus vite possible et passer le cap galère tôt pour ensuite se faire plaisir (car ce cap ne va certainement pas disparaitre avec le temps !).
Quoi qu’il en soit bon courage et n’hésite pas à revenir faire part de ton expérience si tu appliques les quelques conseils de cet article !
Christine Crews
This was so helpful! I have struggled to teach my husband (Italian) my native language (English) for so long. I’m definitely going to try some of the tips you mentioned! It is also hard for people outside the relationship to understand why it is so hard to teach him.
David Gay-Perret
Thanks Christine for taking the time to leave a comment and glad you found these articles of some use!
Agreed, people outside the relationship and especially people who don’t have the experience of a multicultural, multilingual relationship can have a hard time understanding what it implies.
Good luck in any case! Learning English shouldn’t be so hard if your husband is motivated!